Thursday, July 2, 2009
Time LIES
Why does Time insist on being such a prick? It gets its kicks by slowing down the minutes when I least want it to. Or speeding them up when I could linger in a moment for hours. Currently I'm wishing it would move its ass. This has been the longest 8 hour workday ever. My eyes are tired. My brain is trudging slowly trying to create more tasks to occupy me. It seems it's only been 1 minute since I last glanced at the clock, but I refuse to be fooled. Time is trying to trick me. And it's ticking me off. If it were Saturday and I was sitting by the pool soaking up the sun, the bastard would surely speed up. It would see my smile and send signals to all the second hands on all the clocks and say "No fun is allowed on my watch! Speed up. Push on until the sun sets and prove true 'Time flies when you're having fun.'"
UGH i hate how true that phrase is. True and evil. There is no saying in particular though, that blames Time when one is bored. If anyone knows any, please share. I'd be happy to update this blog with one.
I hate sitting on my butt with my eyes glued to the time and wishing with all of my might (or any telekinesis I might possess), that the numbers would move forward in such a rapid rate that I could blink to 7 oclock when it's time to go home for the weekend. Here's to hoping.
UGH i hate how true that phrase is. True and evil. There is no saying in particular though, that blames Time when one is bored. If anyone knows any, please share. I'd be happy to update this blog with one.
I hate sitting on my butt with my eyes glued to the time and wishing with all of my might (or any telekinesis I might possess), that the numbers would move forward in such a rapid rate that I could blink to 7 oclock when it's time to go home for the weekend. Here's to hoping.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Everything Going On...Piling Up Endlessly
This is not a rant. Although there might be some negative connotation in the title. Some things can be overwhelming. Good or bad. Take my little brother, Ethan for instance. He is precious, special, packed with more personality than anyone I've known, yet he can be completely overwhelming! He is demanding, difficult to understand at times, and super duper sensitive the slightest of things.
I have a full plate right now. Chronologically ordered, I have a birthday on Sunday. I have Friday off for July 4th which is so awesome, but I am trudging through the work-week at a snail's pace and having trouble seeing Friday as "close". Bobby (my spectacular boyfriend) and I are planning to have a party either Friday night or Saturday night to celebrate my birthday. Well, we recently got back from a one week trip to Belize and the laundry is STILL not caught up. Our living room is covered with hangers, baskets, folded and unfolded clothes, and suitcases waiting to be unpacked. Overwhelming. I would like it if the party was NOT held ontop of my underwear and work clothes slewn all across the sofa and chair. So that is numero uno on my to-do list, yet it seems everytime I try to put a dent in cleaning, I take 3 steps backwards. Laundry is a nightmare.
Sunday I have church, as usual, although I'm missing my usual brunch so that I can head to Arlington to get tatted up. I'm covering a mistake tattoo on my shoulder, which over time has turned into a blob of blue ink. ByeBye crappy stars. Hello kick ass Angel. Hopefully. I'm nervous to see what the artist has come up with...Overwhelming.
Sunday evening I've invited some close friends and of course my mom and stepdad to join Bobby and I at Los Cabos, an amazing mexican food restaurant where I can't wait to have margaritas or martinis (whichever strikes my fancy).
July is pretty much open from there, although I have my mom's birthday and little brother, Luka's birthday to shop for. But in August, oo boy is August busy. I am going back to school. Again. For the Umpteenth time. I'm not making anyone any promises, including myself. I've been down that road before, filling everyone (and myself) with cynicism after I fail yet again. Not fail, give up. I always give up. If I don't give up, I get an A. Otherwise, I drop. I'm a class-dropper. I can't do this anymore. I have hit a glass ceiling. Being 20, seemingly skill-less, but not wanting to wait tables, really limits the jobs I can go after. $12 an hour just isn't going to cut it. Not forever. No way. $15 won't cut it. Although that would be SUCH an improvement. I made almost $16 at Verizon. ='( Yes I'm still crying over that one. Not literally, just figuratively, and frequently. So I've found a decent schedule. Now i just have to be able to afford it. Monthly payments of $195 RIGHT after rent is due. OUCH. Can anyone teach me how to budget? Nevermind. It's not a taught skill, it's a discipline. I can master it, I can!
Then in September, guess what? Mom and I are going to Playa del Carmen! WOOHOO. Then we can drink on the plane, party and relax while there, and sit by the beach and forget the blandness of Tejas. Of course we will miss the peeps, but not too much. Immediately following, Zoey turns 1 and Bobby turns 21. Overwhelming!
AHHHH. This is random craziness. But it's going in and out of my head relentlessly. I thought writing it all out would help. So far, so good.
I have a full plate right now. Chronologically ordered, I have a birthday on Sunday. I have Friday off for July 4th which is so awesome, but I am trudging through the work-week at a snail's pace and having trouble seeing Friday as "close". Bobby (my spectacular boyfriend) and I are planning to have a party either Friday night or Saturday night to celebrate my birthday. Well, we recently got back from a one week trip to Belize and the laundry is STILL not caught up. Our living room is covered with hangers, baskets, folded and unfolded clothes, and suitcases waiting to be unpacked. Overwhelming. I would like it if the party was NOT held ontop of my underwear and work clothes slewn all across the sofa and chair. So that is numero uno on my to-do list, yet it seems everytime I try to put a dent in cleaning, I take 3 steps backwards. Laundry is a nightmare.
Sunday I have church, as usual, although I'm missing my usual brunch so that I can head to Arlington to get tatted up. I'm covering a mistake tattoo on my shoulder, which over time has turned into a blob of blue ink. ByeBye crappy stars. Hello kick ass Angel. Hopefully. I'm nervous to see what the artist has come up with...Overwhelming.
Sunday evening I've invited some close friends and of course my mom and stepdad to join Bobby and I at Los Cabos, an amazing mexican food restaurant where I can't wait to have margaritas or martinis (whichever strikes my fancy).
July is pretty much open from there, although I have my mom's birthday and little brother, Luka's birthday to shop for. But in August, oo boy is August busy. I am going back to school. Again. For the Umpteenth time. I'm not making anyone any promises, including myself. I've been down that road before, filling everyone (and myself) with cynicism after I fail yet again. Not fail, give up. I always give up. If I don't give up, I get an A. Otherwise, I drop. I'm a class-dropper. I can't do this anymore. I have hit a glass ceiling. Being 20, seemingly skill-less, but not wanting to wait tables, really limits the jobs I can go after. $12 an hour just isn't going to cut it. Not forever. No way. $15 won't cut it. Although that would be SUCH an improvement. I made almost $16 at Verizon. ='( Yes I'm still crying over that one. Not literally, just figuratively, and frequently. So I've found a decent schedule. Now i just have to be able to afford it. Monthly payments of $195 RIGHT after rent is due. OUCH. Can anyone teach me how to budget? Nevermind. It's not a taught skill, it's a discipline. I can master it, I can!
Then in September, guess what? Mom and I are going to Playa del Carmen! WOOHOO. Then we can drink on the plane, party and relax while there, and sit by the beach and forget the blandness of Tejas. Of course we will miss the peeps, but not too much. Immediately following, Zoey turns 1 and Bobby turns 21. Overwhelming!
AHHHH. This is random craziness. But it's going in and out of my head relentlessly. I thought writing it all out would help. So far, so good.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My Health - A Rising Concern
I have a bladder infection. Again. Possibly a kidney infection. Again. Nausea comes with kidney infections. Had serious tummy rumblings earlier today. Ugh. Over the last 4 years, I have had UTIs that sometimes turn into full-blown kidney infections, on and off. Maybe 5 or 6 a year. Any woman knows these can be excrutiatingly uncomfortable. These however, only scratch the surface of ways my body has failed me lately.
About 2 years ago I started having stomach problems. Bouts of not going to the bathroom at all for almost 7-10 days. I got bloated, cranky, and nothing worked...Docs gave me laxatives to swallow, techniques to try, foods to eat. Nada. Eventually things would "pass" on their own usually after much pain and discomfort.
[Stop reading if it's TMI people.]
Things have worsened over the last year to full-fledged constipation on a regular basis. Currently I'm on Day 3 without a BM. Discomfort is for sure.
So not only do I lack appropriate regularity, but I also get frequent stomach cramps that pain me to the point where I can't take my next step. They come and they go, but they debilitate me without pattern or warning. Sometimes it feels like it is deep in my abdomen where only a woman knows real pain. Menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts - pain like that. Other times it is higher up - ranging from behind my belly button to just below my sternum.
Believe me, I've changed my diet. Everyone has their little recommendations of foods to try, juices to drink, and although I might find some temporary relief, nothing will produce REAL regularity.
I need a diagnostician. I need Dr. Greg House please.
Sometimes I freak out and think "Maybe I'm a hypochondriac! Maybe this is totally in my head!" But then I got sick on vacation. And it was real. I pushed through it and ignored it, but it was real. I always think people peg me for a big Fakey McFaker, and shoot, maybe they're right. But I can't help but want some serious tests done before I will accept my Crazy Flag and wave it high.
About 2 years ago I started having stomach problems. Bouts of not going to the bathroom at all for almost 7-10 days. I got bloated, cranky, and nothing worked...Docs gave me laxatives to swallow, techniques to try, foods to eat. Nada. Eventually things would "pass" on their own usually after much pain and discomfort.
[Stop reading if it's TMI people.]
Things have worsened over the last year to full-fledged constipation on a regular basis. Currently I'm on Day 3 without a BM. Discomfort is for sure.
So not only do I lack appropriate regularity, but I also get frequent stomach cramps that pain me to the point where I can't take my next step. They come and they go, but they debilitate me without pattern or warning. Sometimes it feels like it is deep in my abdomen where only a woman knows real pain. Menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts - pain like that. Other times it is higher up - ranging from behind my belly button to just below my sternum.
Believe me, I've changed my diet. Everyone has their little recommendations of foods to try, juices to drink, and although I might find some temporary relief, nothing will produce REAL regularity.
I need a diagnostician. I need Dr. Greg House please.
Sometimes I freak out and think "Maybe I'm a hypochondriac! Maybe this is totally in my head!" But then I got sick on vacation. And it was real. I pushed through it and ignored it, but it was real. I always think people peg me for a big Fakey McFaker, and shoot, maybe they're right. But I can't help but want some serious tests done before I will accept my Crazy Flag and wave it high.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Back to Life, Back to Reality
So I was in Belize. I was there for 7 days. It was incredible to say the least. Sure the country is poor, sure the electricity is limited, and sure I now have 42 bugbites on my legs, but the nature and the culture shock was an ultimate high. It was foreign...the most foreign place i've ever been. The whole time I was there I knew it would end. I knew deep down I couldn't stay forever and probably didn't want to if I was honest with myself. But at the same time I made private arrangements. Arrangements to pick up and move. I'd have to find a way to get my Mom, stepdad and brothers to come too. I'm sure I can talk them into it - I thought to myself as I stared out onto the ocean - I know we could all be so happy here. I could be a nurse and all of the people in desperate need. I could be a Mother Theresa to them and use my bare hands to help them rebuild their community. Yes, I had a good taste in my mouth and the best of intentions.
Being home is not so bad. Yes, I miss the ocean outside my window. I miss being surrounded by the unique culture. America is full of assholes. Gen-yoo-eyn assholes who care about money and first place. But America has its sweethearts. I know a few of them very personally. For them, I shall grin and bear the simplicity, yet complicatedness of home. I have gone about my routine since I've been home and although the familiarity feels nice, I can't help but look around at all the little things that used to be important, and realize, happiness can be much more natural. Hell, the ocean is boring after an hour of being in it, but the sound of the waves, the reflection it casts of sunrises and sunsets, well those are things to appreciate everyday.
Okay, okay..I'll be honest. I hate using Calla-dryl all over my legs so that I will stop clawing at the mosquitos' bites. I love that I can turn on a light in the bathroom and not have to worry about what will crawl out of the toilet. I love that I can do just about anything on my iPhone. I love turning on the TV to a marathon of House Hunters and Property Virgins.
I need a good medium...hmmm. I'll brainstorm.
Being home is not so bad. Yes, I miss the ocean outside my window. I miss being surrounded by the unique culture. America is full of assholes. Gen-yoo-eyn assholes who care about money and first place. But America has its sweethearts. I know a few of them very personally. For them, I shall grin and bear the simplicity, yet complicatedness of home. I have gone about my routine since I've been home and although the familiarity feels nice, I can't help but look around at all the little things that used to be important, and realize, happiness can be much more natural. Hell, the ocean is boring after an hour of being in it, but the sound of the waves, the reflection it casts of sunrises and sunsets, well those are things to appreciate everyday.
Okay, okay..I'll be honest. I hate using Calla-dryl all over my legs so that I will stop clawing at the mosquitos' bites. I love that I can turn on a light in the bathroom and not have to worry about what will crawl out of the toilet. I love that I can do just about anything on my iPhone. I love turning on the TV to a marathon of House Hunters and Property Virgins.
I need a good medium...hmmm. I'll brainstorm.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Ketchup
Obviously I suck at dedicating myself to this thing. It has been months since I have posted, even though I've probably experience some pretty note-worthy events. The job I once loved has descended to what it inevitably had to become - work. Not hard work, but the kind that you really have to put your face on for. My boss is somewhat of a perfectionist, which I can understand seeing as how this business is his baby, but regardless, sometimes when he checks my work everyday I wonder why it has to be so tedious.
Belize trip is in 3 days. I'm so incredibly excited. I also am in much need for a good vacation. I haven't been on a trip in a while, and I especially haven't been anywhere as fun as Belize. I think it'll be good to spend some quality time with the family I rarely get to see.
My latest venture has been tattoos. I have gone over it and over it in my mind trying to pick out the perfect ones. I think I have a pretty good idea of everything I want to get and where to get it. =)
My latest self DX of all of my tummy/bleeding issues is endometriosis. It's a pretty serious disease and ultimately makes it very difficult to get pregnant or carry a baby to term. This would make me very sad if a doctor ever confirms this. I know I want to have kids someday. No time near now, that is for sure. I am not ready to give up this body that I've been working so hard for as of late. I have lost 10 pounds and have hopes to lose 10 more. I'm in no hurry, but still I am ready to drop the LBS.
No success in writing lately. Not that I've tried. Not that I've had time to try. I have very little "me" time these days. I suppose that's why I've been so moody with everyone. I used to spend so much time with myself and lately I spend all my time pleasing other people and doing what they need. I really need to get away. Maybe I can go for some private walks in Belize to clear my head. I can't clear my head with other people around, that is for sure.
Hopefully I will be back without letting 2 months go by. That's just pathetic and lazy.
Belize trip is in 3 days. I'm so incredibly excited. I also am in much need for a good vacation. I haven't been on a trip in a while, and I especially haven't been anywhere as fun as Belize. I think it'll be good to spend some quality time with the family I rarely get to see.
My latest venture has been tattoos. I have gone over it and over it in my mind trying to pick out the perfect ones. I think I have a pretty good idea of everything I want to get and where to get it. =)
My latest self DX of all of my tummy/bleeding issues is endometriosis. It's a pretty serious disease and ultimately makes it very difficult to get pregnant or carry a baby to term. This would make me very sad if a doctor ever confirms this. I know I want to have kids someday. No time near now, that is for sure. I am not ready to give up this body that I've been working so hard for as of late. I have lost 10 pounds and have hopes to lose 10 more. I'm in no hurry, but still I am ready to drop the LBS.
No success in writing lately. Not that I've tried. Not that I've had time to try. I have very little "me" time these days. I suppose that's why I've been so moody with everyone. I used to spend so much time with myself and lately I spend all my time pleasing other people and doing what they need. I really need to get away. Maybe I can go for some private walks in Belize to clear my head. I can't clear my head with other people around, that is for sure.
Hopefully I will be back without letting 2 months go by. That's just pathetic and lazy.
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