Although, it has probably been unnoticed that I have been absent from the blogging world lately, I feel the need to apologize to the space of internet I haven't wasted and also to myself. I wish I had a better excuse than laziness, but sadly, I do not. It feels good to journal/blog/discuss. HUGE stress relief.
So I read this book Stop Whining, Start Living by Dr. Laura Schlessinger against my chagrin to avoid self-help books at all costs. I have been pleasantly surprised. I am 21 years old and feel like I have not accomplished anything that I had hoped/dreamed to. This is all my own fault, and has been a huge focus of mine ever since I realized this thing called "Life" wasn't turning out as planned. Did I graduate from a University with a degree? No. Do I have a job I am proud of that makes me good money? No. Have I upheld my values 100% and made myself proud? No. Am I able to completely support myself and afford the things I want to? No. I have whined, bitched, and moaned about these "failures" in my life to the point where I expect myself to fail, and even set myself up for it. I have complained so much to my boyfriend that he doesn't even respond anymore, which made me resent him and take out my frustrations on him. I was feeling inadequate, unloved, and ultimately pissed off all the time.
Upon reading this book, my attitude has completely changed. I have made a conscious decision to evaluate my mood and CHANGE it, because I have the power to do that. And instead of bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I am going to proactively change the things I can and endure the things I cannot. So what I haven't graduated college yet...I just found out what I want to do and I can still make it happen. So what I disappointed myself by not being the best Lynzy I could be? I am actively recovering from my mistakes and realize that we all slip-up and no one is perfect. And being mad at other people, especially those who love me unconditionally does nothing more than push them further away from me...and I do not want that...I want to draw those people closer to me and make them want to be around me!!
I started it last week and finished it this morning...The last 4 days have been some of the happiest days I've had in a long time. After weeks of fighting with my boyfriend over petty stuff (like getting another dog), I just got over it because I knew it wasn't worth it. I decided to clean the apartment that I'd been complaining about, and even take out the trash (which is typically his chore). What a difference it made when he got home and I was in a good mood. He wanted to be all over me...At the end of the night I made a quick, sincere apology for my ridiculous/over reactive behavior as of late, and his response was "I love you so much" followed by a kiss. Now, what more could a girl ask for...?
This book is an eye-opener and really helped me see that my bad attitude was my own fault and I was sabotaging my own happiness. Thanks Dr. Laura.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Internet Absent
I wish I could say this started last week when I broke my wrist (more on that later), but I will not lie to you. Two weeks ago, Twitter was deleted from my iPhone by mistake. Huge mistake! [The hugest!] For those of you who do not know, I am a Twitter fanatic. A typical day consists of an average 10 tweets, and if it is an A-typical day when something ridiculous, exciting or ridiculously exciting happens, it is possible that I tweet every 5 minutes. There lies the beauty of Twitter. Simply drop a line (under 140 characters of course) whenever you would like to update the world on what you are doing. If only secret terrorist groups and America's Most Wanted could let us all in on their lives a little more...
I am usually doing the same thing on a different day. I damn Mondays, praise my sweetheart of a boyfriend, praise myself for exercising, damn myself for not eating well, and complain about traffic (Yes, I can drive and tweet - can't you?)
I digress...Twitter refused to be re-installed on my phone after it so harshly deleted itself from my life. It said my iPhone wasn't up to the current 3.0 version and I MUST update it prior to the addition (or re-addition) of TwitterFon (the app I use to stay "connected"). Ppl, I do not have time to figure out how to update to 3.0 and then wait while my iTunes updates any and everything that's changed since the last time I plugged in. I have put it off and put it off as if it would take more than 5 minutes of my precious time.
Somehow, the moment I lost touch, I decided to give up on my other internet outlets: Facebook, Blogspot, even my own e-mail has been shoved to the backburner.
I feel bad...people have tried to reach me via internet and I have been out-of-touch. At work, to avoid getting Virus #3, I have avoided going to personal sites and have stuck with Yahoo News and Weather.com. When I get home, surfing the internet just isn't top priority. Fixing dinner, taking my dog for a walk, and catching up with my man are numero uno(s).
Now, with the additional excuse of a broken wrist (I guess I better tell the story now) I feel that typing on a full keyboard or a phone keyboard, require too much movement of my carpals. Ok, so last Monday night I decided to go out with a friend of mine to watch some live music at Tolbert's - a restaurant/bar on Main Street in Grapevine. From there (many drinks later) we walked down to Chill, a bar I've heard much about. Unfortunately, I cannot recall my experience there, but am sure that I will give it another chance to make an impression. Walking from Chill to my friend's car (she drove me home), I tripped on the railroad tracks that run across Main St. and tried to catch myself with my hand. [FYI: this story was not remembered, but told to me by my friend the following morning]. I woke up Tuesday with a terrible pain in my right hand and discovered by x-ray I have a fractured Radius and two sprained fingers (pinky and thumb). The pain was agonizing, but even more agonizing is that I have to wear a stupid cast for 4-6 weeks. Goodbye Summer Swimming...I am such an idiot!
So far today, I have checked in with all my internet outlets - including you, Blogspot - and have high hopes to stay "in touch" this week.
I am usually doing the same thing on a different day. I damn Mondays, praise my sweetheart of a boyfriend, praise myself for exercising, damn myself for not eating well, and complain about traffic (Yes, I can drive and tweet - can't you?)
I digress...Twitter refused to be re-installed on my phone after it so harshly deleted itself from my life. It said my iPhone wasn't up to the current 3.0 version and I MUST update it prior to the addition (or re-addition) of TwitterFon (the app I use to stay "connected"). Ppl, I do not have time to figure out how to update to 3.0 and then wait while my iTunes updates any and everything that's changed since the last time I plugged in. I have put it off and put it off as if it would take more than 5 minutes of my precious time.
Somehow, the moment I lost touch, I decided to give up on my other internet outlets: Facebook, Blogspot, even my own e-mail has been shoved to the backburner.
I feel bad...people have tried to reach me via internet and I have been out-of-touch. At work, to avoid getting Virus #3, I have avoided going to personal sites and have stuck with Yahoo News and Weather.com. When I get home, surfing the internet just isn't top priority. Fixing dinner, taking my dog for a walk, and catching up with my man are numero uno(s).
Now, with the additional excuse of a broken wrist (I guess I better tell the story now) I feel that typing on a full keyboard or a phone keyboard, require too much movement of my carpals. Ok, so last Monday night I decided to go out with a friend of mine to watch some live music at Tolbert's - a restaurant/bar on Main Street in Grapevine. From there (many drinks later) we walked down to Chill, a bar I've heard much about. Unfortunately, I cannot recall my experience there, but am sure that I will give it another chance to make an impression. Walking from Chill to my friend's car (she drove me home), I tripped on the railroad tracks that run across Main St. and tried to catch myself with my hand. [FYI: this story was not remembered, but told to me by my friend the following morning]. I woke up Tuesday with a terrible pain in my right hand and discovered by x-ray I have a fractured Radius and two sprained fingers (pinky and thumb). The pain was agonizing, but even more agonizing is that I have to wear a stupid cast for 4-6 weeks. Goodbye Summer Swimming...I am such an idiot!
So far today, I have checked in with all my internet outlets - including you, Blogspot - and have high hopes to stay "in touch" this week.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Getting My fAt ASS back in shape
Okay, so here I go again! I am on a diet/exercise kick! I was doing so well..I was shedding pounds, I was getting toned, and I had gotten over not eating out all the time! But I came back from Belize (my goal to be fit for) and I hit a serious slump. I stopped worrying about my figure and lost interest in being fit more and more each day. It got even worse when I turned 21 last month because I had beer and mixed drinks at my finger tips. I stopped caring about calories, and I have watched my weight creep back up.
NO MORE! I am tired of yo-yo dieting and exercising. I do NOT want to be that person who is unhappy in ten years when i didn't make an active effort to get my booty in gear. Day 1 starts today: I've counted my calories so far, and I plan to run on my lunch break for 20-30 minutes.
After reading Shape magazine (such a good motivator) I decided to start cooking more fish! I like halibet, salmon, tuna, etc. and I know that they are all good for me. Bobby gets off work 2 hours before me and he can eat all of the Beanie Weanies and Toast that he wants: I will not settle for "easy" anymore. Also, I will be working out in the morning! He gets up at 7, while I sleep until 8. If I got up at 7 with him, I could have an hour to get in a good day-starter workout and a decent breakfast!! When school starts in the fall, I will be parking my car at a distance so that my chubby ass has to actually MOVE!
I'll keep you posted...
NO MORE! I am tired of yo-yo dieting and exercising. I do NOT want to be that person who is unhappy in ten years when i didn't make an active effort to get my booty in gear. Day 1 starts today: I've counted my calories so far, and I plan to run on my lunch break for 20-30 minutes.
After reading Shape magazine (such a good motivator) I decided to start cooking more fish! I like halibet, salmon, tuna, etc. and I know that they are all good for me. Bobby gets off work 2 hours before me and he can eat all of the Beanie Weanies and Toast that he wants: I will not settle for "easy" anymore. Also, I will be working out in the morning! He gets up at 7, while I sleep until 8. If I got up at 7 with him, I could have an hour to get in a good day-starter workout and a decent breakfast!! When school starts in the fall, I will be parking my car at a distance so that my chubby ass has to actually MOVE!
I'll keep you posted...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Like Father Like Son
So last night I got a chance to sit down with my boyfriend's dad and really talk to him. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but because we live together and his parents are on the conservative side, they've never approved 100% of our relationship. His mother has always been very conversational and made me feel somewhat welcome, though I had the feeling it was all one big show. His dad, however, really never said much. I always took this to mean he was kind of assy and holier-than-thou. Along the way though, I think they realized how much we really loved each other, and slowly his dad started caring more about my presence. He started to hug me everytime we left their house, which really changed the way I thought about him. I really started to see wariness, not assiness; he was being protective, not objective. He just so happens to be a man of few words, which sounds so familiar, because my boyfriend is the same way.
Anyway, a couple of months ago my boyfriend's mother decided she was going to split up with his dad for a while. She felt trapped and doomed to spend the rest of her life as a housewife. She wanted to travel and do things, while her husband was completely content to continue with the life they had already built. It has been a very awkward situation because they would still get together when we would all go to dinner, but everyone knew, she wasn't going home with him. She had made arrangements to live in a temporary apartment and stayed with her mom until she found a place. After months of this, she decided she was ready to come home. She and her Life Coach (yes, she has a Life Coach) had been making "progress" and she was ready to move back in with him and resume their marriage. This came just in time for a family-filled weekend when Bobby's brother, his wife, and their new-born baby girl came into town from Atlanta. We all got together, joined by Bobby's grandmother, uncle and cousins to celebrate and eat. His parents seemed to be really happy, especially his dad, who long awaited the return of his wife. It was a wonderful time and we all felt very close to each other. The following day, she decided her hiatus wasn't quite long enough, and it was a mistake to say she was coming home. Bobby's dad described himself as "crushed" and the way he said it was dripping with heartbreak.
Earlier this week she called Bobby and asked if he could help her take furniture over to her new place, but Bobby refused because he didn't want to get involved. Understandably. We ended up going over there to their house anyway because Bobby had to fix his dad's computer. His mom had left his dad a note on the counter saying she couldn't bare to move anything out, and wanted to come home afterall. She said she would try her best to make things work. His dad knew we had read the note and we sat and talked about it for over an hour. He really was just trying so very hard to make sense of everything. He was happy with their lives together and proud of everything they had built. He was very confused and disheartened that those things didn't seem to be enough for her anymore. We sat and listened and when we left I gave him a huge hug, which he needed. He still doesn't know whether this time she means it or not, and the emotional rollercoaster has been very stressful.
Up until last night, I had no inkling of how Bobby turned out to be such a good person and boyfriend when his parents seemed to be lacking. Turns out, Bobby is so very much like his dad. They have such evened out personalities full of patience and love. I am very grateful that I got to look closer into his life and I feel closer to him than ever.
Anyway, a couple of months ago my boyfriend's mother decided she was going to split up with his dad for a while. She felt trapped and doomed to spend the rest of her life as a housewife. She wanted to travel and do things, while her husband was completely content to continue with the life they had already built. It has been a very awkward situation because they would still get together when we would all go to dinner, but everyone knew, she wasn't going home with him. She had made arrangements to live in a temporary apartment and stayed with her mom until she found a place. After months of this, she decided she was ready to come home. She and her Life Coach (yes, she has a Life Coach) had been making "progress" and she was ready to move back in with him and resume their marriage. This came just in time for a family-filled weekend when Bobby's brother, his wife, and their new-born baby girl came into town from Atlanta. We all got together, joined by Bobby's grandmother, uncle and cousins to celebrate and eat. His parents seemed to be really happy, especially his dad, who long awaited the return of his wife. It was a wonderful time and we all felt very close to each other. The following day, she decided her hiatus wasn't quite long enough, and it was a mistake to say she was coming home. Bobby's dad described himself as "crushed" and the way he said it was dripping with heartbreak.
Earlier this week she called Bobby and asked if he could help her take furniture over to her new place, but Bobby refused because he didn't want to get involved. Understandably. We ended up going over there to their house anyway because Bobby had to fix his dad's computer. His mom had left his dad a note on the counter saying she couldn't bare to move anything out, and wanted to come home afterall. She said she would try her best to make things work. His dad knew we had read the note and we sat and talked about it for over an hour. He really was just trying so very hard to make sense of everything. He was happy with their lives together and proud of everything they had built. He was very confused and disheartened that those things didn't seem to be enough for her anymore. We sat and listened and when we left I gave him a huge hug, which he needed. He still doesn't know whether this time she means it or not, and the emotional rollercoaster has been very stressful.
Up until last night, I had no inkling of how Bobby turned out to be such a good person and boyfriend when his parents seemed to be lacking. Turns out, Bobby is so very much like his dad. They have such evened out personalities full of patience and love. I am very grateful that I got to look closer into his life and I feel closer to him than ever.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
No more will I be blogging just for the sake of blogging. Sure work can get dull, and I have nothing better to do than write about something trivial and petty, blowing everything completely out of proportion. But that's what people want to read. They want to hear about how annoying the line is at the supermarket, how much you loathe Mondays and how you just wanted to completely bitch your boyfriend out because he left hairs on the soap bar. And I cannot honestly say I will not be blogging about these things anymore, but I'll be damned if I turn on the computer, take the time to log in and post when I really don't have anything to say.
Today's rant: Case in point.
Today's rant: Case in point.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Here and Now (A starter)
Many things exist that I will never see
Books I will never read
Music I will never know
Landscapes to which I will never go
Friends will arrive, then leave me
People will deceive me
I will brake hearts
My life filled with false-starts
Never will I be the smartest human
Many lies I will see truth in
Times myself I will fail
And inner beauty will not always avail
Some people that pass I will never get to meet
I will not turn down every street
Memories will get lost within
Crimes I will committ as well as sins
Not every goal had will be achieved
Not every pain relieved
I will not always do my best
I will scramble my life into a mess
But what is life, if not lessons learned
And wisdom earned?
Experience, not the wisest teacher?
Repurcussions from sin not the most effective preacher?
Moments filled with tears and sorrow
Losses that leave me hollow
Triumphs that define my life
Will outweight the times filled with strife
Tribulations and trials shape and define
Leave a scar, a mark, a bruise, a line
At the end of my life I will say
I did what I did, I made my mistakes
Like every human that lived before me
I will eventually see
Our time on this earth
Is not even close to the afterlife's worth
Books I will never read
Music I will never know
Landscapes to which I will never go
Friends will arrive, then leave me
People will deceive me
I will brake hearts
My life filled with false-starts
Never will I be the smartest human
Many lies I will see truth in
Times myself I will fail
And inner beauty will not always avail
Some people that pass I will never get to meet
I will not turn down every street
Memories will get lost within
Crimes I will committ as well as sins
Not every goal had will be achieved
Not every pain relieved
I will not always do my best
I will scramble my life into a mess
But what is life, if not lessons learned
And wisdom earned?
Experience, not the wisest teacher?
Repurcussions from sin not the most effective preacher?
Moments filled with tears and sorrow
Losses that leave me hollow
Triumphs that define my life
Will outweight the times filled with strife
Tribulations and trials shape and define
Leave a scar, a mark, a bruise, a line
At the end of my life I will say
I did what I did, I made my mistakes
Like every human that lived before me
I will eventually see
Our time on this earth
Is not even close to the afterlife's worth
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