My Health - A Rising Concern

I have a bladder infection. Again. Possibly a kidney infection. Again. Nausea comes with kidney infections. Had serious tummy rumblings earlier today. Ugh. Over the last 4 years, I have had UTIs that sometimes turn into full-blown kidney infections, on and off. Maybe 5 or 6 a year. Any woman knows these can be excrutiatingly uncomfortable. These however, only scratch the surface of ways my body has failed me lately.

About 2 years ago I started having stomach problems. Bouts of not going to the bathroom at all for almost 7-10 days. I got bloated, cranky, and nothing worked...Docs gave me laxatives to swallow, techniques to try, foods to eat. Nada. Eventually things would "pass" on their own usually after much pain and discomfort.
[Stop reading if it's TMI people.]
Things have worsened over the last year to full-fledged constipation on a regular basis. Currently I'm on Day 3 without a BM. Discomfort is for sure.
So not only do I lack appropriate regularity, but I also get frequent stomach cramps that pain me to the point where I can't take my next step. They come and they go, but they debilitate me without pattern or warning. Sometimes it feels like it is deep in my abdomen where only a woman knows real pain. Menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts - pain like that. Other times it is higher up - ranging from behind my belly button to just below my sternum.
Believe me, I've changed my diet. Everyone has their little recommendations of foods to try, juices to drink, and although I might find some temporary relief, nothing will produce REAL regularity.
I need a diagnostician. I need Dr. Greg House please.
Sometimes I freak out and think "Maybe I'm a hypochondriac! Maybe this is totally in my head!" But then I got sick on vacation. And it was real. I pushed through it and ignored it, but it was real. I always think people peg me for a big Fakey McFaker, and shoot, maybe they're right. But I can't help but want some serious tests done before I will accept my Crazy Flag and wave it high.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

So I was in Belize. I was there for 7 days. It was incredible to say the least. Sure the country is poor, sure the electricity is limited, and sure I now have 42 bugbites on my legs, but the nature and the culture shock was an ultimate high. It was foreign...the most foreign place i've ever been. The whole time I was there I knew it would end. I knew deep down I couldn't stay forever and probably didn't want to if I was honest with myself. But at the same time I made private arrangements. Arrangements to pick up and move. I'd have to find a way to get my Mom, stepdad and brothers to come too. I'm sure I can talk them into it - I thought to myself as I stared out onto the ocean - I know we could all be so happy here. I could be a nurse and all of the people in desperate need. I could be a Mother Theresa to them and use my bare hands to help them rebuild their community. Yes, I had a good taste in my mouth and the best of intentions.

Being home is not so bad. Yes, I miss the ocean outside my window. I miss being surrounded by the unique culture. America is full of assholes. Gen-yoo-eyn assholes who care about money and first place. But America has its sweethearts. I know a few of them very personally. For them, I shall grin and bear the simplicity, yet complicatedness of home. I have gone about my routine since I've been home and although the familiarity feels nice, I can't help but look around at all the little things that used to be important, and realize, happiness can be much more natural. Hell, the ocean is boring after an hour of being in it, but the sound of the waves, the reflection it casts of sunrises and sunsets, well those are things to appreciate everyday.

Okay, okay..I'll be honest. I hate using Calla-dryl all over my legs so that I will stop clawing at the mosquitos' bites. I love that I can turn on a light in the bathroom and not have to worry about what will crawl out of the toilet. I love that I can do just about anything on my iPhone. I love turning on the TV to a marathon of House Hunters and Property Virgins.

I need a good medium...hmmm. I'll brainstorm.

Ketchup

Obviously I suck at dedicating myself to this thing. It has been months since I have posted, even though I've probably experience some pretty note-worthy events. The job I once loved has descended to what it inevitably had to become - work. Not hard work, but the kind that you really have to put your face on for. My boss is somewhat of a perfectionist, which I can understand seeing as how this business is his baby, but regardless, sometimes when he checks my work everyday I wonder why it has to be so tedious.

Belize trip is in 3 days. I'm so incredibly excited. I also am in much need for a good vacation. I haven't been on a trip in a while, and I especially haven't been anywhere as fun as Belize. I think it'll be good to spend some quality time with the family I rarely get to see.

My latest venture has been tattoos. I have gone over it and over it in my mind trying to pick out the perfect ones. I think I have a pretty good idea of everything I want to get and where to get it. =)

My latest self DX of all of my tummy/bleeding issues is endometriosis. It's a pretty serious disease and ultimately makes it very difficult to get pregnant or carry a baby to term. This would make me very sad if a doctor ever confirms this. I know I want to have kids someday. No time near now, that is for sure. I am not ready to give up this body that I've been working so hard for as of late. I have lost 10 pounds and have hopes to lose 10 more. I'm in no hurry, but still I am ready to drop the LBS.

No success in writing lately. Not that I've tried. Not that I've had time to try. I have very little "me" time these days. I suppose that's why I've been so moody with everyone. I used to spend so much time with myself and lately I spend all my time pleasing other people and doing what they need. I really need to get away. Maybe I can go for some private walks in Belize to clear my head. I can't clear my head with other people around, that is for sure.

Hopefully I will be back without letting 2 months go by. That's just pathetic and lazy.