Stop Whining, Start Living

Although, it has probably been unnoticed that I have been absent from the blogging world lately, I feel the need to apologize to the space of internet I haven't wasted and also to myself. I wish I had a better excuse than laziness, but sadly, I do not. It feels good to journal/blog/discuss. HUGE stress relief.

So I read this book Stop Whining, Start Living by Dr. Laura Schlessinger against my chagrin to avoid self-help books at all costs. I have been pleasantly surprised. I am 21 years old and feel like I have not accomplished anything that I had hoped/dreamed to. This is all my own fault, and has been a huge focus of mine ever since I realized this thing called "Life" wasn't turning out as planned. Did I graduate from a University with a degree? No. Do I have a job I am proud of that makes me good money? No. Have I upheld my values 100% and made myself proud? No. Am I able to completely support myself and afford the things I want to? No. I have whined, bitched, and moaned about these "failures" in my life to the point where I expect myself to fail, and even set myself up for it. I have complained so much to my boyfriend that he doesn't even respond anymore, which made me resent him and take out my frustrations on him. I was feeling inadequate, unloved, and ultimately pissed off all the time.

Upon reading this book, my attitude has completely changed. I have made a conscious decision to evaluate my mood and CHANGE it, because I have the power to do that. And instead of bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I am going to proactively change the things I can and endure the things I cannot. So what I haven't graduated college yet...I just found out what I want to do and I can still make it happen. So what I disappointed myself by not being the best Lynzy I could be? I am actively recovering from my mistakes and realize that we all slip-up and no one is perfect. And being mad at other people, especially those who love me unconditionally does nothing more than push them further away from me...and I do not want that...I want to draw those people closer to me and make them want to be around me!!

I started it last week and finished it this morning...The last 4 days have been some of the happiest days I've had in a long time. After weeks of fighting with my boyfriend over petty stuff (like getting another dog), I just got over it because I knew it wasn't worth it. I decided to clean the apartment that I'd been complaining about, and even take out the trash (which is typically his chore). What a difference it made when he got home and I was in a good mood. He wanted to be all over me...At the end of the night I made a quick, sincere apology for my ridiculous/over reactive behavior as of late, and his response was "I love you so much" followed by a kiss. Now, what more could a girl ask for...?

This book is an eye-opener and really helped me see that my bad attitude was my own fault and I was sabotaging my own happiness. Thanks Dr. Laura.

Internet Absent

I wish I could say this started last week when I broke my wrist (more on that later), but I will not lie to you. Two weeks ago, Twitter was deleted from my iPhone by mistake. Huge mistake! [The hugest!] For those of you who do not know, I am a Twitter fanatic. A typical day consists of an average 10 tweets, and if it is an A-typical day when something ridiculous, exciting or ridiculously exciting happens, it is possible that I tweet every 5 minutes. There lies the beauty of Twitter. Simply drop a line (under 140 characters of course) whenever you would like to update the world on what you are doing. If only secret terrorist groups and America's Most Wanted could let us all in on their lives a little more...
I am usually doing the same thing on a different day. I damn Mondays, praise my sweetheart of a boyfriend, praise myself for exercising, damn myself for not eating well, and complain about traffic (Yes, I can drive and tweet - can't you?)
I digress...Twitter refused to be re-installed on my phone after it so harshly deleted itself from my life. It said my iPhone wasn't up to the current 3.0 version and I MUST update it prior to the addition (or re-addition) of TwitterFon (the app I use to stay "connected"). Ppl, I do not have time to figure out how to update to 3.0 and then wait while my iTunes updates any and everything that's changed since the last time I plugged in. I have put it off and put it off as if it would take more than 5 minutes of my precious time.
Somehow, the moment I lost touch, I decided to give up on my other internet outlets: Facebook, Blogspot, even my own e-mail has been shoved to the backburner.
I feel bad...people have tried to reach me via internet and I have been out-of-touch. At work, to avoid getting Virus #3, I have avoided going to personal sites and have stuck with Yahoo News and Weather.com. When I get home, surfing the internet just isn't top priority. Fixing dinner, taking my dog for a walk, and catching up with my man are numero uno(s).
Now, with the additional excuse of a broken wrist (I guess I better tell the story now) I feel that typing on a full keyboard or a phone keyboard, require too much movement of my carpals. Ok, so last Monday night I decided to go out with a friend of mine to watch some live music at Tolbert's - a restaurant/bar on Main Street in Grapevine. From there (many drinks later) we walked down to Chill, a bar I've heard much about. Unfortunately, I cannot recall my experience there, but am sure that I will give it another chance to make an impression. Walking from Chill to my friend's car (she drove me home), I tripped on the railroad tracks that run across Main St. and tried to catch myself with my hand. [FYI: this story was not remembered, but told to me by my friend the following morning]. I woke up Tuesday with a terrible pain in my right hand and discovered by x-ray I have a fractured Radius and two sprained fingers (pinky and thumb). The pain was agonizing, but even more agonizing is that I have to wear a stupid cast for 4-6 weeks. Goodbye Summer Swimming...I am such an idiot!
So far today, I have checked in with all my internet outlets - including you, Blogspot - and have high hopes to stay "in touch" this week.

Getting My fAt ASS back in shape

Okay, so here I go again! I am on a diet/exercise kick! I was doing so well..I was shedding pounds, I was getting toned, and I had gotten over not eating out all the time! But I came back from Belize (my goal to be fit for) and I hit a serious slump. I stopped worrying about my figure and lost interest in being fit more and more each day. It got even worse when I turned 21 last month because I had beer and mixed drinks at my finger tips. I stopped caring about calories, and I have watched my weight creep back up.

NO MORE! I am tired of yo-yo dieting and exercising. I do NOT want to be that person who is unhappy in ten years when i didn't make an active effort to get my booty in gear. Day 1 starts today: I've counted my calories so far, and I plan to run on my lunch break for 20-30 minutes.

After reading Shape magazine (such a good motivator) I decided to start cooking more fish! I like halibet, salmon, tuna, etc. and I know that they are all good for me. Bobby gets off work 2 hours before me and he can eat all of the Beanie Weanies and Toast that he wants: I will not settle for "easy" anymore. Also, I will be working out in the morning! He gets up at 7, while I sleep until 8. If I got up at 7 with him, I could have an hour to get in a good day-starter workout and a decent breakfast!! When school starts in the fall, I will be parking my car at a distance so that my chubby ass has to actually MOVE!

I'll keep you posted...

Like Father Like Son

So last night I got a chance to sit down with my boyfriend's dad and really talk to him. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but because we live together and his parents are on the conservative side, they've never approved 100% of our relationship. His mother has always been very conversational and made me feel somewhat welcome, though I had the feeling it was all one big show. His dad, however, really never said much. I always took this to mean he was kind of assy and holier-than-thou. Along the way though, I think they realized how much we really loved each other, and slowly his dad started caring more about my presence. He started to hug me everytime we left their house, which really changed the way I thought about him. I really started to see wariness, not assiness; he was being protective, not objective. He just so happens to be a man of few words, which sounds so familiar, because my boyfriend is the same way.
Anyway, a couple of months ago my boyfriend's mother decided she was going to split up with his dad for a while. She felt trapped and doomed to spend the rest of her life as a housewife. She wanted to travel and do things, while her husband was completely content to continue with the life they had already built. It has been a very awkward situation because they would still get together when we would all go to dinner, but everyone knew, she wasn't going home with him. She had made arrangements to live in a temporary apartment and stayed with her mom until she found a place. After months of this, she decided she was ready to come home. She and her Life Coach (yes, she has a Life Coach) had been making "progress" and she was ready to move back in with him and resume their marriage. This came just in time for a family-filled weekend when Bobby's brother, his wife, and their new-born baby girl came into town from Atlanta. We all got together, joined by Bobby's grandmother, uncle and cousins to celebrate and eat. His parents seemed to be really happy, especially his dad, who long awaited the return of his wife. It was a wonderful time and we all felt very close to each other. The following day, she decided her hiatus wasn't quite long enough, and it was a mistake to say she was coming home. Bobby's dad described himself as "crushed" and the way he said it was dripping with heartbreak.
Earlier this week she called Bobby and asked if he could help her take furniture over to her new place, but Bobby refused because he didn't want to get involved. Understandably. We ended up going over there to their house anyway because Bobby had to fix his dad's computer. His mom had left his dad a note on the counter saying she couldn't bare to move anything out, and wanted to come home afterall. She said she would try her best to make things work. His dad knew we had read the note and we sat and talked about it for over an hour. He really was just trying so very hard to make sense of everything. He was happy with their lives together and proud of everything they had built. He was very confused and disheartened that those things didn't seem to be enough for her anymore. We sat and listened and when we left I gave him a huge hug, which he needed. He still doesn't know whether this time she means it or not, and the emotional rollercoaster has been very stressful.
Up until last night, I had no inkling of how Bobby turned out to be such a good person and boyfriend when his parents seemed to be lacking. Turns out, Bobby is so very much like his dad. They have such evened out personalities full of patience and love. I am very grateful that I got to look closer into his life and I feel closer to him than ever.

No more will I be blogging just for the sake of blogging. Sure work can get dull, and I have nothing better to do than write about something trivial and petty, blowing everything completely out of proportion. But that's what people want to read. They want to hear about how annoying the line is at the supermarket, how much you loathe Mondays and how you just wanted to completely bitch your boyfriend out because he left hairs on the soap bar. And I cannot honestly say I will not be blogging about these things anymore, but I'll be damned if I turn on the computer, take the time to log in and post when I really don't have anything to say.

Today's rant: Case in point.

Yes I know...that poem was TERRIBLE. that's why it's called a "starter" people. I haven't written a poem in possibly an entire year. I'll get back into the swing of things...I have hopes. Hopefully not pipedreams.

Here and Now (A starter)

Many things exist that I will never see
Books I will never read
Music I will never know
Landscapes to which I will never go

Friends will arrive, then leave me
People will deceive me
I will brake hearts
My life filled with false-starts

Never will I be the smartest human
Many lies I will see truth in
Times myself I will fail
And inner beauty will not always avail

Some people that pass I will never get to meet
I will not turn down every street
Memories will get lost within
Crimes I will committ as well as sins

Not every goal had will be achieved
Not every pain relieved
I will not always do my best
I will scramble my life into a mess

But what is life, if not lessons learned
And wisdom earned?
Experience, not the wisest teacher?
Repurcussions from sin not the most effective preacher?

Moments filled with tears and sorrow
Losses that leave me hollow
Triumphs that define my life
Will outweight the times filled with strife

Tribulations and trials shape and define
Leave a scar, a mark, a bruise, a line
At the end of my life I will say
I did what I did, I made my mistakes

Like every human that lived before me
I will eventually see
Our time on this earth
Is not even close to the afterlife's worth

The "Annual"

Saw my OB-Gyn today. Actually I saw a new Doc because at the office I've gone to for the past 3 years, I've yet to meet the actual Doctor - - they always send in the nurse practitioner who wanted to compare tattoos and piercings while condoning ecstasy (yes the drug) as a sex-drive enhancement!! Anyway, they never offered me the birth control I wanted, they only wanted to prescribe the brands from the pharmaceutical companies they had aligned themselves with. Frustrating mostly, because I wanted something seasonal, which gives me only 4 periods a year. That's my personal preference and I should be able to make that decision. There were also other areas that I felt they were lacking in: hardly any available appointment times (I had to book at least 9 months in advance!), little patient-doctor interaction, and the longest wait times ever.

So today I was finally able to see a doctor and I also was able to talk with her about some recent concerns. She really took the time to listen and had some really good ideas about certain things that have been going on. (Mainly frequent bladder infections). I got an HPV vaccination. Mainly as a precaution. I love my boyfriend and I trust him, but better safe than sorry because who really knows what the future will hold?? That's what my doctor said anyway...

These appointments are dreaded by so many women. I have a friend who feels like she's being taken advantage of at every appointment (no, she has no sexual molestation in her past, she is just really fearful of these exams). I am not that bad. I get in, I get out. I look up at the ceiling and count the speckles trying to ignore what's going on down there. Sure it is uncomfortable...as for all women, but I'm a true believer that these appointments are important to a woman's health! And honestly, I feel like my doctor gave me some really useful and helpful information.

My 3 Day Weekend

Typically I wouldn't post about what I did over the weekend, but I guess I'm really that dry as far as ideas!



For starters, it was a 3-day weekend. Yay for me, my boss let me have Friday off since we didn't have any patients scheduled. Thursday night is difficult to recall, but I'm pretty sure there was beer involved...Ahhhh, I remember! I went to hang out with my friend Nicole whom I haven't seen in over a year. Nicole was one of those friends who saw me through some pretty difficult times when I wasn't always a good friend, but we have an undeniable connection with each other. Not trying to sound all Lezzy... Anyway...So I met her up at Razzoo's - undoubtedly my favorite of chain restaurants - and there we sat at the bar with some of her friends and we shot the breeze. We also shot tequila. It was the first night I think I've gone out without Bobby. I'm sure he appreciated that I crawled into bed wasted after driving myself home foolishly. (Sarcasm, people.)

Friday was awesome because Bobby and I were off together all day. I imagine days like these are going to be what our weekends are like once he starts his new job. Actually, this makes me nervous because the day turned out to be quite expensive! We had to drive to Las Colinas so that he could get fingerprinted for CitiGroup - yes, Dell is his employer, but since he works in the CitiGroup building, they require additional drug testing and background checks. They consider themselves Fort Knox over there! The security was insane. Afterward, we went to Kohl's (this trip was planned ahead of time) and spend $450 on new clothes for Bobby. We got him some more dress slacks, some polos for the summer, long-sleeve dress shirts with ties for the winter, new belts, undershirts, socks, underwear, and some Nunn Bush dress shoes. The brand of the shoes has the most hilarious name! Nunn Bush...really...? Anyway, I also got a new purse which I really needed, but Bobby convinced me to get a really nice one and I love him for buying it for me. I did a lot of lounging for the rest of the day, but Bobby ran around doing errands for another hour or two. We decided to go see Harry Potter - The Half-Blood Prince at 9:30 at our favorite place - The Movie Tavern. This was the first time I was able to drink there (since I'm newly 21), but yet again, the waiter did not even ID me. I swear I could've been getting away with underage drinking for years.

Saturday I spend the day at the pool - my parents pool to be precise. They drove down to Houston to drop my cousin off (she had been staying with my parents for a week) and to see my older brother, his wife and my nephew, Alex. I had the place to myself. I swam around and did exactly what I think my parents would want me to do with their house - Use it. I turned on the outdoor TV, sat in the sun, read my book, burned some calories in the pool, ate their food, walked around like I owned the place. This is always fun. I'm saving up to buy this house from them one day - if they'll ever sell. They came home later that night, but I was already pretty tipsy. My stepdad drove Bobby and I home - against Bobby's sober will. Better safe than sorry!

Since my car was at my parents' house, they had to pick me up for church, which was great. We heard such a good message about being God's clay. I carried it around with me all day and later drunkingly brought it up in an argument with a guy out at our apartment complex pool. That sounds a little unChristianly of me, doesn't it? Not only did I get drunk on a Sunday, I also argued, and threw in scripture around several "F" bombs. Ultimately the guy backed off though. I started drinking around 4p.m. with my friend Nicole (haven't seen her in a year, and now I see her 2X a week!) and a bunch of people who live in our community. The good thing about drinking at our pool is we get to walk home - thankfully. At about 10:30, after a couple of games of drunken volleyball, some of them ran to the store and got meat to grill out. Meat and corn. Seriously, I ate some of the best chicken I've ever had - and it had nothing to do with the fact that I was completely snockered and in the most chipper of drunk moods. (Sarcasm agian, people.)

I am sure this goes without saying, but I'm not feeling all that well this morning. I still feel drunk and dizzy, my eyes look tired and feel bloodshot! BUT, I am at work all the same. Seriously regretting my decisions last night. I took Zoey over to one of our neighbors and I think she had a good doggy time with the other dog that was there. I think someone might have let her drink beer or something, because this morning she was acting very sluggish and lethargic. I hope she just had sympathy for her Mommy because I'd feel bad if someone got her drunk. She is but a wee puppy!

Anyway, hopefully when my hangover wears off, I will have something better to say...

Baby Talk

I blame my mother for this. No offense, Mom, this is a very unique quality.

A lot of people babytalk. But a lot of people don't babytalk and I find that to these people, it is a very freakish quality to possess.

I'm a babytalker. It happened over time and I found it got worse as I became a big-sister, an aunt, and a pet-owner. Although these are the primary subjects for my baby-language, it doesn't exclude my boyfriend, my mother, my stepfather, and pretty much anyone who I'm fond of.

What is babytalking, you ask? Well it's hard to replicate in typing form, but I assure you it's the gooey-est, mushiest, high pitched talking you can imagine. There is also a severe extension on the end of words, as well as over-emphasis on the vowel sounds. A lot of times, however, it's not even clear English. [See Ace Venture Pet Det. as he babytalks the dog @ the beginning.] Believe me, it's impossible to type. I would probably need music notes and additional letters other than the 26 already in the alphabet to do any justice. This language varies depending on person, but I have learned it to be contagious in nature. Learning through Osmosis is possible, so don't waste your money on Rosetta Stone.

I was raised in this language. Kindergarten was probably a challenge for me because regular English was something I rarely heard! Okay, that is an exaggeration, but I mean it when I say my mother was and is a HUGE babytalker. Oddly, my mother's parents didn't babytalk; their children anyway. When my mom was a grown woman, she noticed that her parents baby-talked their dachshunds. Of course at this point, she had already been babytalking for years. Not only did she baby-talk but she made up these outlandish nicknames for her kids and dogs. The best example I have is with my little brother Ethan whose name got stretched out to Ethaniel, then Ethaniel the Maniel, than shortened to Thans, than Thanny, than Thanny bones. Madness, I tell you, madness!!! We have a dog named Butter who my mom frequently calls Knuckles because she always asks if Butter wants a Knuckle Sandwich. I know what you are thinking: this girl's Mom is a lunatic. I assure you she is very sane. But this brings me back to my original point that some people find this behavior very odd, and even frightening. My boyfriend claims it's degrading, as if I am somehow lessening his intelligence level when I talk to him like he is a 5 year old. Just as I said this is contagious: he now babytalks too. Mostly when he is tickling me or playing with our dog and gets carried away.

For those of you who do not babytalk, this post may be lost on you. But for those of you who do, I imagine you know exactly what I mean. Hopefully soon, society will recognize this language and stop giving it such a hard time...

Bug Detail

Due to the heat, tiny critters with multiple legs have found their ways inside our office building, where they died (probably a slow, starved death) on our floors. These guys are everywhere...from spiders to silverfish, our cracks and corners have become bug graveyards. Guess who gets put on clean-up duty? Moi. Another "Con" to being an assistant: you get to do the dirty work. And I do mean dirty. Cleaning the urine stains off your boss's toilet rim is enough to make anyone cringe and say Find a happy place Find a happy place...

I digress. I've been using tissues to pick up critters for weeks now. Whether it rains or the sun is scorching, they seek refuge within our walls, only to come to their inevitable demise. I almost pity them. Almost. Last week I asked for a handvac (AGAIN) to help me pick these buggers (teehee) up. Our old handvac died (also a slow death: it would come in and out of power depending on the day) and I've been missing it dearly ever since. I hate lugging the big vacuum around and using the wand for small spaces. I also hate going through tissues (wasting trees) and feeling bugs crunch in between my fingers when I pick them up. Still...it's been weeks, if not months since I made my small secretarial request, but still no handvac. These bugs are losing sympathy, and my back is worn from picking them up off the floor. Can I post a bulletin warning them not to migrate indoors?? (this of course is not a serious question, in case you are my young cousin and take things with literal sense!)

Must I also mention that I have more important things to do all day then walk around checking corners and crevices for corpses? Okay, okay..this is not a valid point since I am obviously filled with free time at work. Regardless...sometimes I wish I had an assistant. If so, she'd be on bug detail and I'd be telling her: it's been 2 hours, and it's about time to spot check for creepy crawlers.

I hate...repeat..HATE bug detail.

My Personal Pros and Cons of Spinal Adjustments

I somewhat promote, somewhat warn against chiropractic adjustments. I promote because wow, there is nothing like feeling ur back, neck, skull crack in places you didn't know existed...I warn because they can be terribly addictive. Once you feel that "ahhhh" feeling after the perfect pop from C1 to L5 there is an overwhelming sense of ease. All that tension and stress building up over the busy work week lets out with the sound and the relief is incredible.

But (and this is a bittersweet subject) these pops can leave you feeling twice as tense when it's a Saturday and there is no chiropractor in sight to alleviate this feeling! You know how good you could feel, if only there were a DC in reach. Instead you're left with a feeling of tightness, stranded until you can get in first thing Monday.

Here is my problem. I work for a chiropractor. I get adjustments free as pretty much the only perk...Whenever the doc isn't busy and I'm feeling some strain, I have first dibs - - after all of his patients, and his wife of course. I suppose this gives me last dibs. Perhaps that is the problem. At the very end of the day when ther is free time, I'm ready to go home. I am rarely anxious to stay at work for another minute. But then I get home and find myself with that urge to free my back of its discomfort, so I decide I will mention it as soon I get to work the next day. Back at work the next morning, it is too busy and well, there goes another work day when I missed an opportunity for an adjustment.

So now it's Friday. We get out at 1 p.m. and we have been exceptionally busy (nevermind I'm sitting at my desk blogging). I see us being busy until the very end. Yes, that clock will strike 1p.m. and I will be overly ready to get out the door, I will forget, yet again, that a long weekend lies ahead with no chance of relief...
Addictive I tell you...

21...NOT my last milestone

I still have important things to look forward to in life. . . This I know is true. Still, turning 21 was bittersweet, with emphasis on the "bitter". I have never felt so grownup and upset about it! As I showered the other day, I felt a sense that I didn't have much left to look forward to. This may indicate how truly NOT-grown up I am. Yes, it is immature to believe that it is downhill from 21. But I couldn't help feel sad that my childhood was somehow gone. Perhaps this happened long ago, but there is something so adolescent about sneaking booze and doing the whole underage drinking deal. Yes, it is somewhat a relief that that part of my life is over with. So without feeling too much like my life is over, I had to remind myself of some huge milestones that will reign huge in my life:

• Engagement - I assume this is my next milestone. Not to strike fear into my boyfriend's eyes, but he knows and I know, it's inevitable. I'm in no hurry of course, but I know this will be huge in my life. I will have so much fun planning, coordinating, blushing, and doing all that other girly pre-wedding stuff
• Nursing Degree - This should take about 2 1/2 to 3 years from now to complete. I am so stoked and just hope that I can find an awesome job to take my salary up to a "Real" job salary with benefits and paid time off and all that other awesome stuff
• Buying my first house - Surely to be done with the hubby. I want a suburban 3 bedroom, 2+ bath with a decent backyard and spacious kitchen.
• Baby!! - Yes this I hope is in this order. After marriage, career and home purchase. I thought I just wanted one, but maybe I want 2. To be discussed with hubby.

I will stop there because that's already so much my head could explode.

So for 21, I did the typical...Got way too drunk for my own good and ended up having to call in sick at work the next morning. Sorry to employers. Yes, the guilt trip was noticed and unappreciated.

Farewell for now.

As we listen to Lightning Crashes I wish you had a clue about who I am and how important words and writing are to me

Time LIES

Why does Time insist on being such a prick? It gets its kicks by slowing down the minutes when I least want it to. Or speeding them up when I could linger in a moment for hours. Currently I'm wishing it would move its ass. This has been the longest 8 hour workday ever. My eyes are tired. My brain is trudging slowly trying to create more tasks to occupy me. It seems it's only been 1 minute since I last glanced at the clock, but I refuse to be fooled. Time is trying to trick me. And it's ticking me off. If it were Saturday and I was sitting by the pool soaking up the sun, the bastard would surely speed up. It would see my smile and send signals to all the second hands on all the clocks and say "No fun is allowed on my watch! Speed up. Push on until the sun sets and prove true 'Time flies when you're having fun.'"

UGH i hate how true that phrase is. True and evil. There is no saying in particular though, that blames Time when one is bored. If anyone knows any, please share. I'd be happy to update this blog with one.

I hate sitting on my butt with my eyes glued to the time and wishing with all of my might (or any telekinesis I might possess), that the numbers would move forward in such a rapid rate that I could blink to 7 oclock when it's time to go home for the weekend. Here's to hoping.

Shit, that last post was long...

....OOPS.

Everything Going On...Piling Up Endlessly

This is not a rant. Although there might be some negative connotation in the title. Some things can be overwhelming. Good or bad. Take my little brother, Ethan for instance. He is precious, special, packed with more personality than anyone I've known, yet he can be completely overwhelming! He is demanding, difficult to understand at times, and super duper sensitive the slightest of things.
I have a full plate right now. Chronologically ordered, I have a birthday on Sunday. I have Friday off for July 4th which is so awesome, but I am trudging through the work-week at a snail's pace and having trouble seeing Friday as "close". Bobby (my spectacular boyfriend) and I are planning to have a party either Friday night or Saturday night to celebrate my birthday. Well, we recently got back from a one week trip to Belize and the laundry is STILL not caught up. Our living room is covered with hangers, baskets, folded and unfolded clothes, and suitcases waiting to be unpacked. Overwhelming. I would like it if the party was NOT held ontop of my underwear and work clothes slewn all across the sofa and chair. So that is numero uno on my to-do list, yet it seems everytime I try to put a dent in cleaning, I take 3 steps backwards. Laundry is a nightmare.
Sunday I have church, as usual, although I'm missing my usual brunch so that I can head to Arlington to get tatted up. I'm covering a mistake tattoo on my shoulder, which over time has turned into a blob of blue ink. ByeBye crappy stars. Hello kick ass Angel. Hopefully. I'm nervous to see what the artist has come up with...Overwhelming.
Sunday evening I've invited some close friends and of course my mom and stepdad to join Bobby and I at Los Cabos, an amazing mexican food restaurant where I can't wait to have margaritas or martinis (whichever strikes my fancy).
July is pretty much open from there, although I have my mom's birthday and little brother, Luka's birthday to shop for. But in August, oo boy is August busy. I am going back to school. Again. For the Umpteenth time. I'm not making anyone any promises, including myself. I've been down that road before, filling everyone (and myself) with cynicism after I fail yet again. Not fail, give up. I always give up. If I don't give up, I get an A. Otherwise, I drop. I'm a class-dropper. I can't do this anymore. I have hit a glass ceiling. Being 20, seemingly skill-less, but not wanting to wait tables, really limits the jobs I can go after. $12 an hour just isn't going to cut it. Not forever. No way. $15 won't cut it. Although that would be SUCH an improvement. I made almost $16 at Verizon. ='( Yes I'm still crying over that one. Not literally, just figuratively, and frequently. So I've found a decent schedule. Now i just have to be able to afford it. Monthly payments of $195 RIGHT after rent is due. OUCH. Can anyone teach me how to budget? Nevermind. It's not a taught skill, it's a discipline. I can master it, I can!
Then in September, guess what? Mom and I are going to Playa del Carmen! WOOHOO. Then we can drink on the plane, party and relax while there, and sit by the beach and forget the blandness of Tejas. Of course we will miss the peeps, but not too much. Immediately following, Zoey turns 1 and Bobby turns 21. Overwhelming!

AHHHH. This is random craziness. But it's going in and out of my head relentlessly. I thought writing it all out would help. So far, so good.

My Health - A Rising Concern

I have a bladder infection. Again. Possibly a kidney infection. Again. Nausea comes with kidney infections. Had serious tummy rumblings earlier today. Ugh. Over the last 4 years, I have had UTIs that sometimes turn into full-blown kidney infections, on and off. Maybe 5 or 6 a year. Any woman knows these can be excrutiatingly uncomfortable. These however, only scratch the surface of ways my body has failed me lately.

About 2 years ago I started having stomach problems. Bouts of not going to the bathroom at all for almost 7-10 days. I got bloated, cranky, and nothing worked...Docs gave me laxatives to swallow, techniques to try, foods to eat. Nada. Eventually things would "pass" on their own usually after much pain and discomfort.
[Stop reading if it's TMI people.]
Things have worsened over the last year to full-fledged constipation on a regular basis. Currently I'm on Day 3 without a BM. Discomfort is for sure.
So not only do I lack appropriate regularity, but I also get frequent stomach cramps that pain me to the point where I can't take my next step. They come and they go, but they debilitate me without pattern or warning. Sometimes it feels like it is deep in my abdomen where only a woman knows real pain. Menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts - pain like that. Other times it is higher up - ranging from behind my belly button to just below my sternum.
Believe me, I've changed my diet. Everyone has their little recommendations of foods to try, juices to drink, and although I might find some temporary relief, nothing will produce REAL regularity.
I need a diagnostician. I need Dr. Greg House please.
Sometimes I freak out and think "Maybe I'm a hypochondriac! Maybe this is totally in my head!" But then I got sick on vacation. And it was real. I pushed through it and ignored it, but it was real. I always think people peg me for a big Fakey McFaker, and shoot, maybe they're right. But I can't help but want some serious tests done before I will accept my Crazy Flag and wave it high.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

So I was in Belize. I was there for 7 days. It was incredible to say the least. Sure the country is poor, sure the electricity is limited, and sure I now have 42 bugbites on my legs, but the nature and the culture shock was an ultimate high. It was foreign...the most foreign place i've ever been. The whole time I was there I knew it would end. I knew deep down I couldn't stay forever and probably didn't want to if I was honest with myself. But at the same time I made private arrangements. Arrangements to pick up and move. I'd have to find a way to get my Mom, stepdad and brothers to come too. I'm sure I can talk them into it - I thought to myself as I stared out onto the ocean - I know we could all be so happy here. I could be a nurse and all of the people in desperate need. I could be a Mother Theresa to them and use my bare hands to help them rebuild their community. Yes, I had a good taste in my mouth and the best of intentions.

Being home is not so bad. Yes, I miss the ocean outside my window. I miss being surrounded by the unique culture. America is full of assholes. Gen-yoo-eyn assholes who care about money and first place. But America has its sweethearts. I know a few of them very personally. For them, I shall grin and bear the simplicity, yet complicatedness of home. I have gone about my routine since I've been home and although the familiarity feels nice, I can't help but look around at all the little things that used to be important, and realize, happiness can be much more natural. Hell, the ocean is boring after an hour of being in it, but the sound of the waves, the reflection it casts of sunrises and sunsets, well those are things to appreciate everyday.

Okay, okay..I'll be honest. I hate using Calla-dryl all over my legs so that I will stop clawing at the mosquitos' bites. I love that I can turn on a light in the bathroom and not have to worry about what will crawl out of the toilet. I love that I can do just about anything on my iPhone. I love turning on the TV to a marathon of House Hunters and Property Virgins.

I need a good medium...hmmm. I'll brainstorm.

Ketchup

Obviously I suck at dedicating myself to this thing. It has been months since I have posted, even though I've probably experience some pretty note-worthy events. The job I once loved has descended to what it inevitably had to become - work. Not hard work, but the kind that you really have to put your face on for. My boss is somewhat of a perfectionist, which I can understand seeing as how this business is his baby, but regardless, sometimes when he checks my work everyday I wonder why it has to be so tedious.

Belize trip is in 3 days. I'm so incredibly excited. I also am in much need for a good vacation. I haven't been on a trip in a while, and I especially haven't been anywhere as fun as Belize. I think it'll be good to spend some quality time with the family I rarely get to see.

My latest venture has been tattoos. I have gone over it and over it in my mind trying to pick out the perfect ones. I think I have a pretty good idea of everything I want to get and where to get it. =)

My latest self DX of all of my tummy/bleeding issues is endometriosis. It's a pretty serious disease and ultimately makes it very difficult to get pregnant or carry a baby to term. This would make me very sad if a doctor ever confirms this. I know I want to have kids someday. No time near now, that is for sure. I am not ready to give up this body that I've been working so hard for as of late. I have lost 10 pounds and have hopes to lose 10 more. I'm in no hurry, but still I am ready to drop the LBS.

No success in writing lately. Not that I've tried. Not that I've had time to try. I have very little "me" time these days. I suppose that's why I've been so moody with everyone. I used to spend so much time with myself and lately I spend all my time pleasing other people and doing what they need. I really need to get away. Maybe I can go for some private walks in Belize to clear my head. I can't clear my head with other people around, that is for sure.

Hopefully I will be back without letting 2 months go by. That's just pathetic and lazy.

void

total void of every creative thought I once had
re-reading my past in poetry was elegant, but foreign
i can't remember the girl behind those words
more importantly I can't remember where she reached into herself to find these things
things I wish i could find again
possibly hidden underneath mistakes and self-inflicted wounds
i blame myself for driving a wedge between myself and the artist in me

Tired and Tangled Up

So I've had a long day at work and when I decided to post on my blog I got sidetracked by my neighbor's blog - not my real neighbor, but my blog neighbor, the one when I hit the next Blog button he/she pops up. I was irritated because all of these other people have these spiffy templates and I have my lame original one and don't know how to expand my horizons. So after several trial and errors, I realized I am too tired to get caught up in instructions and the proper way to pimp my blog.

Anyway, so long day at work and there are two note-worthy events. One - I decided on my way home that I want to learn how to surf !!!

Ok nevermind - Dad called and cant talk and type...

Quick drop of some lines

It's been a little while since I've posted, but I have been so busy with my wonderful new job! That's right, I love it! I can definitely put up with the 9 dollars an hour for 90 days while I train and am still going through the "prove myself" stage. I feel good about them giving me a raise when the time comes.
Anyway, last night was dinner at Bobby's parents' house and it wasn't bad at all. The dinner was delicious and the conversation was peaceful. His mom mentioned that she would rather see him drink beer than smoke cigarettes - - She whispered it so his dad wouldn't hear which I thought was kind of a hoot. I could tell his parents definitely missed him and his dad said "Don't be a stranger" when he left, and the sincerity in his voice was desperate almost. Anyway, Bobby said on the way home "Consider them punished." This time of silence has been mostly due to the way things panned out at the wedding. (See my post about the wedding below if you need any deets).
So the new job is going great! I love wearing scrubs and I feel important there. There is still plenty of stuff to learn so I will be excited to see where it takes me!!
More later...I'm on a mission to go buy headbands today - all my old ones have broken, thus the new! : )

Addictions

So, I just couldn't get away without posting again. I know, I know, I might have developed an addiction for blogging, but as it appears, it reminds me so much of writing pages and pages in spiral notebooks and journals as a young girl. I would spend hours writing poetry and ideas down on paper. I even used to cut out things from magazines and paste them on the pages alongside whatever piece of work I had just finished. Last week I was helping my mother clean out the attic and I came across about 5 notebooks completely filled from start to finish with journal entries and poems. I didn't have the time to look through them because I knew once I started the trip down memory lane would be a long one. Not to mention, I just wasn't up for criticizing myself at the time. But sometimes when I come across something I've written, the words seem so foreign, and it's like "Wow, I don't ever remember writing something so...good!" Not that I'm trying to give myself tons of credit, because trust me there's some crap mixed in too, but when I think about the stuff I've written that seems foreign, I know those were the ones that I really felt. The ones that I had the insatiable urge for, and the ones that I slipped away somewhere inside my head and heart to write. The ones that feel like someone else took over are the ones that I find truly beautiful and have no shame in being proud of. I used to feel like it wasn't unusual for people to have my talent and in fact most people write down their feelings. Although the latter may be true, I have found over time that the gift is in taking those feelings are turning them into something else. Something eloquent. Something mysterious. Something raw, even.
Maybe one day I will be able to write poetry again. Real stuff. It's been ages and I'm afraid I can't get back to that sense of creativity I used to sneak away to. Maybe I'll just sit down and force it over and over again and then sift out the crap to find the art.

A close friend of my family's is a decade-recovered drug and alcohol addict. Apparently as of late he has fallen off the wagon. Now, this is a guy who has everything to lose. He's successful, has a daughter, and has what most people would consider a good life. Sadly, he's losing sight of it lately. After a surgery, he quickly went through his pain meds and saw a doctor friend to get more. He has been high on them ever since. Sadly, this is a situation I know all too much about. Of course, everyone's situaton is different and who am I to pretend to know what he is going through? I don't know his thought process and I'm sure he's been to his own dark places that I could never imagine even in my worst nightmares. BUT, with all of that said, I do know what it is like to lose your way. I know how it gradually takes a hold of you; the urges, the cravings, the high off of doing something wrong. Sadly addicts never remember the turmoil. Even I don't. All we remember are the "good times" because that is what holds a stronger place in our heads. It tells us that it feels so good and we put it up on this pedastul and praise it and feel special and better because it belongs to us and us only. We like to be alone in our "happy" place, or so we tell ourselves, but the truth is that no one wants to go there with us. Our friends will slowly disappear after fair warnings that it's either "us or it". Our family tries to stick by, but we pretend they are crazy and they pretend they are wrong. Eventually we have to hit our own bottom and realize the only way left to go is up. That's when you start to turn it around. I can't say enough good things about 12 step programs. AA, NA, CA, whatever it is, although AA seems to stick closer to Bill W's original way of doing things. It's not about whining, excuses or pity-parties; it's about results. So this friend has been given his fair warning, he has even crashed his car with his little girl inside, but he has not hit his own bottom yet. I hope the bottom is close in sight, because the closer the bottom is for him, the closer he is to realizing he has to go back up. I just hope he doesn't destroy good things before he does. And that's all I have to say about that...

Say A Little Prayer for You

So today I had an interview at a chiropractic clinic! I found out about it yesterday and actually heard it was a Physical Therapy clinic, which didn't help much when I got lost and couldn't find the "PT" clinic. I showed up right on the nose of the time I was supposed to be there which of course made me nervous through the first 30 minutes. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in an interview! Anyway, I got a call a few hours later, after some housecleaning and serious nail-biting (not literally -ew) and the doctor told me that he and his wife who own the clinic together liked me, and I will start tomorrow! I did my happy dance and even screamed as soon as we got off the phone! I hope I hung up!! Lol. So I wore black slacks, a green silk blouse, high heels, and a silver cross with a tasteful pair of earrings and a watch (which unfortunetly failed me when it came to being early). So in the spirit of interviews and a job well-done, I decided to post some frequently asked interview questions...I starred the ones that were similar to what I had to answer and even put a brief "blah blah blah" of what I said!

1. Why did you leave your last job? **
I had a pretty good reason actually. My place of employment started failing horribly at bringing in customers because Circuit City sucks and Verizon didn't know when to say when. (that was not verbatim at all)

2. Tell me a little about yourself?
(Glad this wasn't asked because sometimes I don't know when to shut up)

3. What do you know about this organization? **
It was actually what do you know about a chiropractic office, and my answer was limited. However I did remember some stuff about the readjustment of babies' spines and how it helped with their Ear Nose and Throat issues, which seemed to a sufficient answer and had enough of tid-bit knowledge to impress

4. What do you look for in a boss? **
I answered honestly that I dislike being micormanaged, and sadly that was a poor answer because what do you know, the owner is a micro-manager. Fortunetly he said he only does this when his employees can't seem to cut the mustard. I highly doubt that he will have any such problem with me.

5. What are your strengths and weaknesses? **
God, I hate this question. Please, God, make every employer who has ever asked this question to STOP asking this question! I can talk all day long about my strengths, and although I'm not flawless, I have no idea how to respond to the "weakness" portion of this question.

6. Tell me about when you resolved an important dillema at work.

7. How do you handle constructive criticism? **
Obviously, I will feel like I disappointed someone, and that is never a good feeling, but I will ask how I can do a better job in the future and consider that my boss knows more about the position than I do, and to look at it positively and as a learning experience. Total cheese answer.

8. What has been your greatest work disappointment?

9. Why do you think you'd be a good fit for this position?

10. Do you have any questions for me? **
I always like to answer this question with an "actually, yes I do." Usually it's something trivial and as quick to answer as it is to ask, such as "how many people do you currently have on the staff". I think this always look good because it shows the possible employer that not only are you interested in getting a job, you are interested in the position.

I was also asked how I would respond in certain scenarios and this seemed to be the place where my colors really shined because apparently the girl they have now is really struggling with some of the appropriate responses to real-life situations. Luckily I have worked in a clinic before and have experience not only dealing with patients but also to some very similar office scenarios that popped up.

Now, I am no interview expert, see my response to #4 and how it backfired, but I tried to appear as confident as possible and when the interviewer(s) were saying they hated turnover and had been fooled before, I reassured them with "I hate being in between jobs and really hope to find a home in my next position. I plan to stay somewhere for years to come." Also, instead of just answering question after question, I like to work in a little bit about myself, such as a brief description of my family background, usually something that paints me in a good light. I never really lie in an interview. It would be a very negative way to start off a new job, especially if you plan to get to know your coworkers and employers on a personal level. But, I'm also never brutally honest about certain things, such as: a weakness of mine is that I'm perpetually 5 minutes late. Truth is, I am a hard worker and I have almost always exceeded the expectations of my employers. I hope this work ethic continues to improve and grow as time goes on and as I gain more and more experience.

Overall, I am dancing on the inside that I have a new job and I know it has everything to do with the hundred mini-prayers I've been saying inside my head all day. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning to put on my scrubs and drive to my new job!

All the wishing and hoping and praying has paid off and I feel such a sigh of relief and a grand sense of accomplishment.

I NEED A J-O-B!

I have been in search of a job since December 23, which was my last day at Verizon. Since then I have posted on careerbuilder, responded to posts on craigslist, and even gone to an employment agency. I waitressed briefly but remembered quickly how much I hated that and what a bad environment it is for a recovered addict. Still...it tied me over briefly and ever since I quit, I've been working for my mom, helping her clean out junk and clean in general, which has been nice because it's structured and I feel pretty productive after a day's work. I am going to contact a few more employment agencies to make sure I get my resume out there as much as possible. I tested really well when I went...I'm a fast and acccurate typer whether it's numbers, letters, whatever... and I have some pretty broad experience which I think shows that I can learn things fairly quick. Anyhow...if any one has any ideas about how I could get a job quicker, I'm open to suggestions!

Can I please be an EXPAT???

So Bobby got word from his friend Jason today. For those of you who don't know, Jason is an old supervisor of Bobby's when he worked at Circuit City and he recently left for Singapore on contract for a spiffy new job. Bobby heard that it was a possibility that they would be needing more people to go over there and work and since Jason knows what a "smart cookie" Bobs is, he said he would keep him in mind. Well ever since the news first hit that it was a "possible" possibility, I've been jumping with excitement at the idea of moving all the way around the world to a foreign country for 2 years, which is how long the contract would be. At first Bobby didn't consider it right away because he didn't think I would want to go with him, but once he found out that I was also excited (which took 5 minutes of looking the country up online) we were hooked on going. Ever since then we have looked at pictures, places to live, information on how to move there, etc. Finally since Jason has been over there, Bobby got an email from him today! He said it is wonderful and he loves it and that they will probably be looking for other people to work on contract over the next month or two. Bobby has to probably get some sort of certification before he has a good chance of getting the job and the certification is most definitely expensive, BUT we really want to make this whole thing work.





Here are some views of the gorgeous country!








Everything is very modern over there....the toilets, the wood floors, the balconies...all are so beautiful....
And because the country is only about 270 square miles, all of their buildings are very tall, and apartments are all built up and not spread out like here...




It is known for being super clean, it has a strict government, but has a predominately English language. The other language there is Mandarin and most of the people there are of Asian origin. The country itself is south of Malaysia and just 1 degree north of the equator. After looking up some climate information I discovered that it is very very humid, which will SUCK for my hair, and since it's surrounded by the ocean, it's seasons are determined by monsoons. This means it rains there...A LOT! Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, and the country from what I've seen is very warm, which I love, but my hair will be so frizzy and curly. Most people who live there probably have stick straight, thin hair and will be surprised when they see the mess on my head. Hopefully it won't break some "Cleanliness/Tidiness" law! That would be so embarrassing!! Not that it is likely, but lately I am just wondering about all of the little things that will really be so different from what I am used to.

It's hard to say for sure though, that I am 100 % excited about this opportunity...I mean, I have a wonderful family here who I am so very close with. I have a 7 year old brother who will be almost 10 when I get home, a 4 year old brother who will be 7 and a 1.5 year old nephew who will be pushing 4...These things will be tough on me, but I have only one chance to do something so crazy and off the wall. I would have never expected that this could even be possible. After being presented with such a risk, it is hard to say no, since I am attracted to risks and their dangers. I would not want to look back on this in 5-10 years and say, "Wow, I really could have gone to Singapore and lived this really cool, different life for a couple of years." Who knows the things I will see or do, and the people I will meet! This could open up a ton of doors for me. Who knows, maybe I could even go to school there on scholarship, since I will be an American, and considered a minority. Minorities get all the funding here...I wonder if it works the same way there. I would be so delighted! Anyway... I was just so antsy I couldn't resist another post tonight...Which is good, because it got me tired : D

*G'Night*

My Personal Apartment Therapy

I have recently started a new project: Apartment Redesign! My boyfriend (and roommate) recently suggested a website to me: www.apartmenttherapy.com and after looking at it here and there, I really got the urge to spruce up our over-cluttered, under-decorated apartment. Sadly the funds to support this project are very limited, due to the recent loss of my job. Sooo...everything we are doing must be done on a budget. I have decided I want a sofa slip cover, a new bed/mattress/comforter and nightstands, and a total makeover of our "dining room". We have 740 square feet although lately it feels so damn cramped that I can hardly stand it. Although we also have some stuff we'd like to get rid of. Examples: the white Ikea desk I purchased that doesn't go with anything we have, the 3 shelves desk that we purchased at Big Lots to replace the white desk, and a bedroom TV and TV stand that we never use!! So I'd like everyone (if anyone) to stay tuned as our improvements slowly - but surely - start coming along.













Our first big splurge (mostly if not all on Bobby's part) has been our entertainment area. Bobby has really put it all together so nicely, starting with the baddest of bad Sony 56" TV. After bringing home the TV (and our Sony Playstation 3/BluRay player) we realized that our stand was too tiny and chincy to put something so nice on it. Next he brought home a very nice Walmart stand. Now when I say nice I do not mean expensive (obviously from Walmart) or fancy, but it has the coolest, most-convenient shelves and compartments that totally suit our needs. After all of that we got more BluRay movies/games...then Bobby hooked up the computer he built to it, and got us a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse. The latest addition has been our RCA soundsystem, which gives us a surround sound feel without moving speakers all around! It is totally B-A. Anyway...I attached the pictures of the final product, and I personally think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. :-P



Our next project to improve things were these wall decorations that I saw the idea for online, but I can't remember where (which is kind of lame, because whoever came up with it totally deserves credit). First we bought a yard of upholstery fabric that we got at Hancock Fabrics, on SALE. It was a challenge picking the print because according to the instructions, we had to use large prints since we were making big designs. It was really difficult also for us to agree on which fabrics to get, but since we have similar visions for the living room, we agreed finally on two really classic, yet modernized prints. Next, we went to Michael's and got canvas stretcher frames that come in all different lengths, which just snap together to make whichever custom size frame you choose! We made 26''X30''. Our original plan was to get a 14"x26" as well to go in the middle and put a really bold print on it, but we changed our minds after finishing the first two. Anyway, we just sized the material over and around the frame and used a staple gun to secure it tightly and thus our beautiful wall decor was born!




And please pardon the HIDEOUS couch color...I plan to cover it with a "slate" (dark grey) or even black slip cover! Woohoo!




Check out the pictures... Bobby is home from work, I have a dog to walk and mail to check!

"The Wedding"

So about 6 weeks ago, Bobby and I heard his friend Rachel was planning to get married. She is freshly 20 and has only been with the guy for 4 months, so of course there were critics (us included) at the wedding, especially when the wedding started 30 minutes late!! Everyone's faces were hysterical, including mine. But before all of this worry about who left who at the altar, I could not stopping aweing at how gorgeous everything was! Rachel's family was known to have some bank, but planning a wedding in 1 MONTH that turned out like that, really surprised us all. I guess it's amazing what money can get you. Anyway, as I am picking out certain things that I like, Bobby parents show up to sit next to us. I knew ahead of time they were going so assumed we'd sit together, but I also dreaded it! I knew they would be thinking that I would get wedding fever and trick Bobby somehow to popping the question. Apparently his Dad had no problem voicing it, because he looked at Bobby and said "Don't get any ideas." I could have slapped the bastard across his face. Why not get any ideas? What's so wrong with being in love and realizing you could spend forever with someone?? I've always known their mindsets are different from mine and Bobby's, but that just started me off thinking what an asshole. I know they think I'm some hussy who has stolen away their baby, but they have to let go. Anyway, I was grinding my teeth so hard I forgot that the bride and groom still hadn't shown up, but finally they did, and the ceremony was great. Rachel looked pretty and she seemed so happy, which quelled all of our doubts leading up to that day. Anyway, while waiting for the wedding party to take all of their photos, we all crowded into a foyer and snacked on sushi. Everyone was wondering the same thing: We get a full-course meal right? (which we did) But standing around snacking on sushi and joining at the bar was nice, except when Bobby and I noticed other underage kids drinking. Some of them were younger than us, so I figured I'd give it a shot to ask. I was completely denied when she asked for my id and I did not want to present it, so we gave up. I complained to Bobby's mom, that all I wanted was a glass of wine. Now, it's very rare for me to want to do or say things like this in front of his parents because they are definitely on the coservative side of things and there is no gray, only black and white to them. Anyway, Bobby tried again right before we went into the dining hall to eat, and actually was able to get both of us a drink, me a glass of wine, and him a beer. His dad made this incredibly distressed face like he was about to have a coronary, when he stated "You're not 21!" - like maybe Bobby had forgotten. Bobby said, "Well, they let me have it." And shrugged it off. Then he got all concerned about who was going to drive us home if we both were drinking and I decided to make a little joke to lighten the mood: "He's a lightweight, so I will drive." He didn't think it was funny and that was the last time we spoke to him, and he spoke to us, all evening.
Anyway, things got worse on our second beer, at least 45 minutes after the first, when a hotel manager came up and asked Bobby for his ID. He said a lot of people were drinking underage and they were not allowed. Bobby then told the guy he was here with his parents, who never once spoke up and said "Yes, he's with us, so it's not a big deal." They both sat there with faces like "I told you so" and "You got what you deserved" While Bobby was being humiliated by this guy. Luckily the guy gave him a mini lecture saying he would allow it because his parents were here. I was not only mortified, but royally ticked off that from that moment on, his dad would shoot me glares across the table. Bobby was feeling his wrath too, and was so uncomfortable, we decided to leave.
I finally feel comfortable around them to be myself, and not only do we get busted, but we also get a response to how they feel about me being me, which is you dumb little girl, at least that's what was written all over his father's face.
I am still very upset over the whole ordeal, but there isn't a whole lot that I can do, except not care how they feel, which is easier said than done. I'd love to say, you know what I do what I wanna do, and you can like me or fight me, but I care for Bobby and his comfort levels too much. I would never wanna draw a bridge between him and his family, even though, even he was upset with them last night. He said later on as we were laying on our bed feeling sorry for ourselves and the night we had: "I'm going to punish them by not seeing them for a while. Let's move to Singapore and never visit." A devilish smile appeared on our faces...

Preface (part II)

Okay, so back to about me...
Like I said I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I landed this really awesome job over a year ago at Verizon Wireless. It came at the perfect time and really helped me get my $hit together, which was much much needed. Also, someone would later tell me, I got what I was destined to out of it, which is my boyfriend Bobby, who I met in circuit city where my VZW kiosk was. Anyway, it was a fantastic opportunity for me. I met some really great people, I had a pretty fun job and I got paid more than most people at my age would get paid, plus the benefits were very noteworthy, as were other perks like free phone service, etc. Sadly, I made a mistake a little over a year into it and put in my notice to go to another job, which ended up not working out. When trying to retract my notice, my immediate supervisor, area manager and even district manager were all glad that I changed my mind, however, human resources would not allow it, and despite my begging, my last day on my notice letter ended up my last day. So I've currently been without a job for a while now, at least since December 23, but I finally got a job at Duke's, a restaurant/bar, which is not my number one choice or even my number 5 choice of things I'd like to be doing, but I need the money, and the job is convenient for now.
I am pretty behind on money. From a previous tough time, I have about $1100 in debt, which is minimal according to some people, but then over the past year and a half have accumulated an additional $1500 or more. I have a fair amount of expenses to cover, so these things are not top priority to pay off. I have monthly rent, electricity, car insurance, groceries, gas, etc. Also, I recently purchased my new best friend, Zoey, who is my matlese-shih-tzu baby. I absolutely adore her, and although she is expensive, I've got an obligation to take care of her the way she deserves. Bobby, my guy, left Circuit and has a pretty good-paying job with Sony, but his drive is 35 minutes away, and although he was hired on with a position as a computer tech, he rarely gets to actually work on the computers and instead his day is spent shipping them off to other techs. Needless to say, he is ready for a change, but as of now, at least we are both employed!
I figured I'd post some pretty important pictures of my peoples:
so the guy with the money is my man, Bobby aka Bobs, Boo, Baby, etc.
the kid with me in the other pic is Ethan, my favorite kid ever, who i will definitely mention often.
The other kid who looks similar to Ethan is my new little brother, Luka
The pretty lady with the cute puppy is my mom (aka me in 20 or less years) with JoJo ( who is the sister of my Zoey Bell )
The handsome skinny man in white is my stepdad Aaron
And finally the cute black fluff is my Zoey.

Preface (part I)

First blog on the new site. Any followers would probably want to know a little bit about me. I am 20 years old and so far have had a pretty amazing life. I had some struggles as a teen, but then again, that seems pretty common. I rebelled and kicked back at my parents on a pretty regular basis, seemingly without much reason at all. Most of the time I was getting grounded over going to some party that I was miserable at, or for losing my virginity to a guy I hated. Maybe I loved misery at the time. Not so much anymore. I've had a fair amount of it, and pretty much hate it. I tried the whole college thing on and off, and it hasn't seemed to work out just yet, but I have faith that one day I will make it happen for me, because I want it to. I dated one super nice guy at the end of my senior year of high school and into college, but I guess one day I just realized I didn't care for him the way I thought I did. I got into this really great college club that was probably the funnest times of my life and have bonded me to the University of Oklahoma for life! Sadly, I moved on from Oklahoma, mostly from homesickness and mostly for a guy. The worst guy of them all. The kind of guy that destroys a girl and turns her into everything she thought she'd never become. I put up with abuse and pain because I thought it made love seem stronger. I was oh so wrong and will never make that mistake again! 2 years later with my head on straight I found the greatest guy of them all, Bobby, who all followers will hear tons about! Anyway, unfortunetly before I found Mr. Right, Mr. Wrong pulled me down in a hard way. He introduced me to bad people and I started doing bad things, like drugs, that I struggle to forget to this day. This is why I am so hard on myself sometimes. I am terrified of resorting back to the bottom. BUT, I have high hopes that this will NEVER happen. I have some Really amazing things to be proud and thankful of.
For starters I have a wonderful family - yes, the same family I struggled against once upon a time. I started off with one awesome little brother with Down syndrome, but now I have two! Two blessings, two handfuls. Ethan is 7 and Luka is 4. My mom and stepdad, Aaron adopted Luka over the summer and he has been a part of the family ever since! I also have an older brother who has a kid of his own, Alex. All very cool little dudes.
I also am very grateful for the life I've made for myself thus far! I met a girl today is Tongan and said basically they live with their parents until they get married, and she was jealous that I knew how to take care of myself so well. I have my own apartment, well I share with my amazing guy, BOBS, and we have lots of nice furniture. I have my own car with my own insurance and everything I have is thanks to me (with a little love and support from the parents every now and then, but I've started off strong).
I will have to continue the preface later, because Bobby and I started this new workout program called Power90x and its a daily thing. Today the workout is called Kenpo and it's an hour and a half. Seeing as how it's 12:20a.m., Bobby is buggin me to get started : P
To be continued...